Some days I'm just like "Oh my god! I just don't want to do anything ever again! Least of all clean the oven!" I can just get so crazy lazy! You know what I mean? I have to clean my oven or something and I just feel like 'I cannot be bothered!' Like, to do anything. I just can't drag myself to my feet and tell myself that there is any point in me getting out of bed. I mean, why would there be? What do I contribute? The world doesn't need me. It doesn't need me to drag my useless corpse in and out of doors and meetings and in front of people and away from them again. It doesn't need me to get up and 'speak my mind' or 'be myself' or ' be the best me I can be'. It doesn't need me at all. The only reason to any of that is to keep myself going, how futile and circular is that?! You may as well just lie down and wait for your body to give up. You know what I mean? Some days you just want to lie around in your PJ's!
Silly kitten! You've got kitten stuff to do! Get up!
I don't want to clean the oven! On days like that I'm just all fed up, moody moody! Daddy used to call me 'moody moron' when I got like that. He used to say I was having 'one of my moods'. He used to say 'You completely lost it! You and your moods!' He never actually tried to ask me how I felt and find out why I felt that way though did he? Did he even once? Did he ever actually talk to me like I could say something which would change how he thought of me? No! Ha! Crazy guy. It's like: Did you ever think that maybe a child who is screaming and crying is doing so because they are in distress? And that as the parent you may be almost totally responsible for that distress? No no, of course not, the 9 year old has just 'decided' to get upset. Yeah, that sounds great.
I had to clean the oven though and I didn't want to do it. But then I found these guys:
They came round and did the whole thing for me, isn't that great! Yay! So I could stay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Or scream into my pillow! Sometimes, if I scream really hard, I can scream louder than the feelings I'm trying not to feel.